Always meeting Mr Wrong? What you need is an objective third party who can see the sort of man you really need

Related Article - 300 Creative Dates - By Oprah Expert

Want some advice about finding a long-term partner? Go on blind dates. Forget those other cliches: “It’ll happen when you least expect it,” or the inevitable, “You’re too picky!” Having been single for several years before meeting my husband Tom at the age of 34 – on a blind date arranged by a friend – I’m one of the increasing numbers of people discovering that getting a third party to pick a partner for you is one of the best ways to meet your future spouse. It seems we’re returning to the days when other people – mothers, fathers and “village matchmakers” – used to choose a person’s partner for them, often very successfully.

“Matchmakers would match couples who were from the same social stratum, had the same education and held the same values,” says relationship psychologist Susan Quilliam, author of Love Coach. Sexual attraction wasn’t key. If you could stomach going to bed with someone, it was enough – love would come later.
“I think the trend for matchmaking has come about because we’re realising that we need to take a clear-headed approach to finding love,” says Quilliam.
“The best marriages are built on compatibility – sexual attraction can develop from friendship. Perhaps it’s the high incidence of divorce that’s convinced us that it’s important to meet someone with a similar background and attitude to life. The chances of meeting someone like that in a bar are small – you need to be introduced by someone who knows you both.”
Most women in their 30’s who would like to find a long-term partner are aware of the difficulties they face. Demographics for a start: in 2001, almost one in four households was occupied by a person living alone – and the percentage is steadily rising.

That’s partly because people are getting married later, says Quilliam. The trouble is, by the time you get to your 30’s, you’re often in a long-term job and have an established circle of friends – so you don’t meet many new people.
Perhaps that’s why more people are perusing their address books in order to matchmake friends, families and colleagues. Or why the new breed of dating agencies – specialist organisations that claim to matchmake rather than simply put members ot the opposite sex in touch with one another – are becoming so popular. In New Zealand, the sophisticated web-based matchmaking agency Matefinder uses a series of in-depth questions to gather information about clients, then match them with potential partners who share similar interests and values.
One of the most successful agencies in the UK is Big Love, a London based organisation of professionsals under 40. Here’s how it works: you buy a “Big Love token”, which entitles you to a 20-minute Love Chat with the agency’s creator, Aphrodite (aka former advertising executive Jo Hillier). You’re matched up and sent out on a blind date. You have no power of veto over whom you meet, and all you know about them is their Big Love name (everyone involved has to choose a pseudonym) and a few quirky facts. The evening’s venue is also chosen for you – so all you have to do is turn up.
Hillier set up the agency because she says she was always matchmaking friends. So far they’ve had several successes, including Claire Collins, aka Venus, Aphrodite’s “love helper” at the agency. Hillier says Collins was always going for the wrong type of man.
“I wanted her to meet someone who would treat her right. I knew Stephen was a kind, charming and intelligent man.” This is the key to being a good matchmaker, says Quilliam – the abiltiy to step into someone else’s shoes and be sufficiently objective to see what they actually need, rather than what they say they want.
“Women in particular can get into a cycle of bad relationships. They can't see they're always picking the wrong men, but to someone looking on objectively, it can be obvious,” she says. So whether you choose the agency route or agree to a blind date with a friend of a friend, the best advice is to keep an open mind and be realistic - “It's a blind date, not mail order,” says Hillier. “Normal dating rules apply. So don't expect to meet a George Clooney lookalike – unless you look like Claudia Schiffer, of course.”
Finally, don't judge by one date alone. First dates can often be stressful so, even if you didn't think there was a spark, do go on another one – you'll be more relaxed and you can work out if you really are attracted to each other.

Related Article - 300 Creative Dates - By Oprah Expert