Being
Single Is The New Black
So you don't have a boyfriend,
or maybe you do and you just act like you don't? Right now
everyone's “single”. Read on to see which type
you are...
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 It
doesn't matter if you have a boyfriend, or if your favourite
partner is your lounge and televison every Friday night, we
all have different “single” personalities. We
talked to psychologist Dr Pam Spurr, author of The
Dating Survival Guide, and got her expert take on
the top five types of single girls. Keep reading and find
out which one fits you...
THE 5-MINUTE EVANGELIST
- Personality Profile: As soon as this
woman has ended a relationship she practically has “I'm
single and proud” tattooed across her forehead. She
will tell anyone who will listen how great the single life
is – that is, of course, until she meets her next
long-term relationship man.
- Most Likely To Say: “Well, I won't
be needing my comfy knickers now.”
- Least Likely To Say: “I've been
single for a year – congratulate me!”
Seem familiar? You come out of one relationship and for a
brief while you turn into a professional single, eating takeaway
food every night and grow a brazilian rainforest on your bikini
line. You just can't understand what you ever saw in being
involved. That is, until you meet someone new.
Gina, 25, cringes when she thinks about the things she said
to others when she was between relationships. “I must
have driven my friends mad,” she says. “I desperately
tried to convince them that I was having a great time as a
single girl and they should all dump their boyfriends and
join me. Then I met Rob and two weeks later, we'd moved in
together.”
- Dr Pam's Analysis: “The five-minute
evangelist is wise enough to know that a man shouldn't be
the centre of her universe, but she still really wants one
in her life. She likes to be seen as independent, but always
keeps an eye on talent.”
IF YOU'RE A 5-MINUTE EVANGELIST:
- Try carefree dating for a while rather than diving straight
into another relationship.
- Try to invest more in other areas of your life. Always
having a partner means you might miss out on self-discovery.
- When you start seeing someone new, banish the word “relationship”
from your thoughts for at least four weeks.
- Get off the soapbox and be honest about how much you want
a boyfriend.
THE DESPERATE DATER
- Personality Profile: A whole evening
without a man to spend it with is like a birthday with no
presents for this single. She never leaves a club before
closing – just in case Mr Right or even Mr Plain Wrong
makes a late entrance – and she's also known to go
misty eyed past bridal shops.
- Most Likely To Say: “Just five
more minutes – I think he likes me.”
- Least Likely To Say: “I'm organising
a girls' night out.”
We all know a desperate dater. When you ask, “How's
Pete going?” she looks at you puzzled, then informs
you that Pete's been history for two weeks and she's fitted
in a Gary, a Tim and a Paul since then. Does all this frenzied
romantic activity make her happy? No. You know she'd have
more fun dancing round her handbag to the sound of
I Will Survive, but trying telling her that!
“Tanya is a great friend, but she has a blind spot
as far as men go,” says Helen, 22. “She thinks
if she hasn't got a man, she's failed. She once went on a
date with a guy she said was incredibly boring. Then she went
out with him again, saying it was 'better than nothing!' I've
tried talking to her, but she accused me of being jealous.”
- Dr Pam's Analysis: “At the heart
of a desperate dater's behaviour lies a lack of confidence.
This woman seeks a man to fill her emotional void. Because
of this, however, men can see her desperation and are liable
to take advantage of it, which makes her even more vulnerable.”
IF YOU'RE A DESPERATE DATER:
- Don't ever pick up a man when you first meet him. Instead,
get his phone number and make yourself wait two days before
phoning.
- Break the manhunt cycle. Instead, try and aim to take
part in an activity in which no men are involved, at least
once a week.
- Leave a venue an hour before it shuts – so you can't
pick up the dregs!
- Watch desperate behaviour in other people and remind yourself
it's just not worth it.
THE GRASS IS ALWAYS GREENER
SINGLE
- Personality Profile: This type of single
may already be in a relationship, technically, but it doesn't
stop her constantly looking out for someone better.
- Most Likely To Say: “Honestly,
my boyfriend just doesn't understand me.”
- Least Likely To Say: “I'm so lucky
to have Jim/Andy/Neil in my life.”
The problem with being a 21st-century woman is that we all
believe there's a perfect man out there for us and if we look
long enough, we'll find him. It never occurs to us that Mr
Right Now might be as good as if gets. We never stop searching
for our own Mr Perfect.
Sally, 24, says being a grass-is-always-greener type is a
real handicap. “It gets in the way of a happy relationship,
because you're always sure you're missing out on something
better,” she says. “I once went to meet a new
boyfriend at a pub and saw a gorgeous man at the bar. I went
over and started chatting to him. When he asked me who I was
with, I pointed out my boyfriend, but said he wasn't really
my type. 'Shame,' he replied, 'that's my brother!'”
- Dr Pam's Analysis: “She can't see
what she has because she never lives in the moment –
the future always seems brighter. She adores romance but
is restless and has a low tolerance for the mundane aspects
of coupledom.”
IF YOU'RE AN ALWAYS-GREENER SINGLE:
- Make a list of all the good aspects of your relationship
and look at it every day.
- Try a sexy new lovemaking technique with your partner
once or twice a month.
- Do occasional “reality checks.” When your
mind drifts off to a fantasy of a better romance somewhere
else, remind yourself that you'd have to put up with their
smelly socks too.
- Drop a few hints to your partner about how to generate
a bit of romance into your union.
THE MARRIED SINGLE
- Personality Profile: She's happily involved
but has forgotten to turn off her single switch. While she
loves her boyfriend, she still acts like a single girl –
flirting with other men while he's in the room and accepting
invitations without checking if her partner has plans.
- Most Likely To Say: “I'll be home
late, so don't bother waiting up for me!”
- Least Likely To Say: “Oh, you want
to meet on Saturday night? But that's when we stay in with
takeaway and a DVD.”
No one's asking you to be joined at the hip but, really,
if you saw any less of him, you'd have to carry his photo
to remember what he looks like. It's not that you don't love
him – it's just that you love your single life too.
And, besides, everyone knows girls can have it all. Can't
they?
Not according to Wendy, 27. “I was sure Ben was Mr
Devoted, I didn't think that I had to change my lifestyle
just because we were together. When he finally walked out,
he told me it was because of a pair of heels I'd bought which
I called my 'fuck-me boots'. Ben said I only ever wore them
when I was going out with my friends. He was right,”
she laments.
- Dr Pam's Analysis: “A married single
derives her self-worth from male attention and constantly
needs new sources of adoration. She may also get a buzz
from taking risks and pushing boundaries. This is a dangerous
combination, as one flirt too far, may result in casual
sex. She wants it both ways – security at home and
excitement away. Sadly, she doesn't value what she actually
has until she loses it.”
IF YOU'RE A MARRIED SINGLE:
- Imagine if it was your boyfriend doing all the flirting.
Would you approve of his behaviour?
- Ask your partner to go out on some exciting dates. Take
him to places you've never been.
- Try fantasy role-playing with him. Pretend he's a stranger
and flirt sexily with him.
- Agree you can flirt when you're out together –
with each other – to keep things hot.
THE SETTLED SINGLE
- Personality Profile: One woman and her
cat. What more can we say?
- Most Likely To Say: “Not tonight.
I'm combing my cat and watching my favourite double episode
of Friends.”
- Least Likely To Say: “Want to come
to my place for some group sex?”
Sometimes having a man around can seem like more hassle than
what it's worth. Lily, 25, realises that she has slipped into
the single rut. “I like my own company,” she shrugs.
“My friends think I'm sad because I put on my pyjamas
when I get home from work and tick the shows I want to watch
on my TV guide. But I'm really comfortable the way I am.”
- Dr Pam's Analysis: “Perfectly content
with her own company – usually after a long relationship
has ended painfully – this woman has resigned herself
to single life. She thinks 'Why bother?' and unfortunately,
she's forgotten how to have a relationship.”
IF YOU'RE A SETTLED SINGLE:
- Turn on your come-hither button and practise flirting
safely with male friends.
- Build your conversational confidence by observing how
outgoing people do it.
- Remember the good bits about being in a relationship,
like reading the Sunday papers in bed together. Don't only
dwell on the bad stuff.
- Visit one singles' event to which men go each week.
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