HOW MUCH DO HIS MATES
KNOW?
Okay so you're worried that
your guy is gonna dish the bedroom dirt to all his friends
at the pub. Relax. What goes on between the sheets usually
stays there.
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KNOW YOUR FEAR... you're picturing him getting into a fierce
pornographic bragging match, fuelled by alcohol and ego, which
feature sentences like: “Oh yeah? Well I had her yelping
like a puppy. She was begging for another helping.”
Chill out. Chances are it ain't gonna happen. Although there
will always be a male minority who bolster their dodgy self-esteem
by broadcasting embellished tales of erotic conquests, most
men can be relied upon to maintain a discreet silence about
what you and he get up to in bed.
There seems to be a widespread misconception among women
that guys engage in carnal bravado at the slightest provocation.
You girls think that your partners make a habit of walking
into the pub and announcing: “Erica says I can hit her
G-spot from across the room.”
Nuh-uh. In fact, it's as unfounded as the myth about girls'-night
pyjama parties, where everyone strips down to their nickers
and starts having pillow fights. And there's also the fact
that I don't want to hear favourable appraisals of my mates
penile dimensions and they certainly aren't interested in
mine. “So what's your new girlfriend like in bed?”
would be an offensive question to many men – especially
from a friend.
So what do we talk about? You... and sometimes your body.
However, we don't discuss specific anatomical features and
will pretty much stick to enthusiastic overviews. You'd hear,
“She's got a wicked body,” before, “You
should see the rack on her,” - a statement which would
most likely be followed by an embarrassing silence and a swift
change of subject.
I have friends for whom I'd go through all manner of inconvenience.
(“Can we use your apartment for a few hours?”
“Sure!”) And agony. (“Would you mind taking
my annoying little sister to the formal? She's no longer contagious,
I swear.” “No worries!”) But I don't want
to know about their lover's lubrication dilemmas, her propensity
for lockjaw or how sensitive her bits are.
Not all sexual topics are taboo among blokes but these discussions
simply don't feature much chick content. As awareness of men's
health issues such as testicular cancer and prostate disease
has risen, such subjects have become easier for guys to discuss.
This has had a trickle-down effect, as it were. Men are slowly
beginning to talk more openly about their”plumbing problems”.
This term itself illustrates the 'call it something else and
it's less embarrassing' lingo we use to share our sexual issues.
Growing numbers of guys can, for example, now discuss “having
problems parking the car in the garage”.
Being the problem-solvers that blokes are, we're quick to
suggest rapid-fire solutions to these conundrums. Curiously,
these are not phrased in the same coded manner. In fact, we
employ the kind of tone you might use to direct someone to
the nearest railway station, in conjunction with sentences
such as, “I know a doctor who'll prescribe Viagra,”
or, “You need some desensitising spray.”
The only time we will lapse into the realms of metaphor is
for really delicate situations to do with... ahem... ability
or performance. For example, if a mate is entirely to blame
for his lacklustre lust life, it's because he's “not
warming up the players before trying to win the grand final”.
You would call it “foreplay”.
The Real Deal
Ultimately, his friends don't really know a lot about your
X-rated prowess. Nor are we interested in sharing. The rule
of “don't ask, don't tell” applies and not because
we're somehow racked with guilt about personal inadequacies.
It's out of respect to you. Plus, here's a big deterrent:
we don't want anyone else imagining you naked!
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Questions For Couples - By Oprah Expert
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