How To Get Soul-Mate
Close To Your Guy
So you want a relationship
that's tighter than your yoga teacher's butt? Try these easy-bonding
tips for a deeper you + him connection
Related Article - 1000
Questions For Couples - By Oprah Expert
 When
there's trouble in paradise, you're forced to find ways to
get your relationship back on track. But when things are good
between you and your partner, you never think about what you
could be doing better. That don't-fix-what-isn't-broken attitude
may be keeping you from reaching the pinnacle of coupledom:
soul-mate closeness. “A lot of couples think it's an
unreachable stage where they're cosmically meshing their energies,”
says Dr Michael Broder. “But becoming soul-mates is
about nourishing the subtle nuances of your union in everyday
ways.”
To help you in the pursuit of getting to that next level,
we uncover six tricks that'll transform you from a close couple
to a truly connected one. Read on...
Bond Booster
Talk To Each Other Again:
Sometimes conversations between couples who are in a comfort
zone can become empty. You might offer each other a quick
summary of your day, for instance, but you leave out some
of the juiciest details. To get out of that rut, give each
other the verbal VIP treatment.
This doesn't mean you have to discuss each other's deepest
feelings daily, says couples psychologist, Janice Yamins.
Instead, make talking with your partner more titillating with
interesting anecdotes or by casually quizzing him. “Men
loved to be asked their views on things, so bring up current
events and ask him his opinion,” she says.
And never underestimate the power of humour to increase the
depth of your twosome. One night a week, Helen, 27, and her
boyfriend, Jonathon, avoid boring and predictable banter by
playing a board game. “Most of the questions are riduculous,”
she says, “but it lets us tune out the stress of the
day and have fun togther.”
Helen also discovered that the laughs could turn into legitimate
discussions. “One time the question was, 'Would you
rather spend two months being pampered at a five-star hotel,
or a year backpacking through Europe?” she remembers.
“We both agreed Europe was the way to go. It was another
indication that we were compatible, and we started talking
about all the places we wanted to visit and where we envisioned
our lives going.”
Bond Booster
Be Multi-Dimensional:
If you have more sides than a prism, let them shine! By doing
so, you have a better chance of keeping his interest. “Men
are captivated by women who are forever revealing different
layers of themselves,” says Dr Kate Wachs, author of
Relationships
For Dummies. It's a great way to boredom-proof your
bond. “Having a medley of interests can add dimension
to your relationship because you're constantly providing raw
material to discuss,” she adds.
If you want to up those benefits, make activities a team
effort. Investigate new pastimes together or become each other's
instructors on the things that you've already mastered individually.
For instance, if you've always been impressed with his knowledge
of wine, go to a vineyard together and have him explain what
you're tasting. No need to force it, though, just go with
your gut. As Caitlin, 28, tells it, you'll most likely discover
that you and your boyfriend have more in common than you imagined.
“I had dinner at a Turkish restaurant and fell in love
with the food,” she says. “So I learnt basic Mediterraneon
cooking and made David a falafel dish one night. He loved
it and a few months later, we went on a holiday to Turkey.
Exploring new cuisines and cultures is now a mutual passion.”
Bond Booster
Be Unpredictable:
“Everyone who's part of a couple will settle into a
predictable role at some point,” says Wachs. “While
that comfort level can make us feel protected and loved, it's
important to find subtle ways to excite or surprise each other.”
In fact, one study published in the Journal of Neuroscience
shows that the pleasure centres of the brain are most strongly
activated by the unanticipated. Surprising each other occasionally
keeps the relationship fresh.
For instance just try altering your behaviour, as Tara, 29,
did. “Jason jokes that the world could be coming to
an end and I still wouldn't miss my 6:45pm Pilates class,”
she admits. “So one day I surprised him by skipping
my class and booking us both in for a massage. I don't know
what floored him more, my gesture or the fact that I had willingly
altered my schedule.”
Bond Booster
Invent A Sex Move:
Being in sync in the bedroom is pretty gratifying, but cultivating
a unique move together is the ultimate – a sexual connection
is something only you and your partner are privy to. You'll
feel like you understand what makes the other tick, in and
out of bed, notes sex therapist Michael Perry. “All
you have to do is mention the move obliquely to your partner
and you'll know what will be going on later,” he says.
“One night we were doing it doggy style and I hung
my torso off the bed,” explains Antonia, 23. “Pedro
was able to get deeper than ever and it felt incredible.”
While Antonia and Pedro discovered their trademark position
by accident, sometimes the best part of creating a coital
stamp is by sharing your secret desires, says Perry.
Bond Booster
Choose Your Battles:
Even the most contented couples argue. “Everyone has
disagreements,” says Broder. “But you can't have
it out over every little setback or you'll eventually erode
the harmony of the relationship.”
Ignoring things that bug you is easier said than done, though.
Here's a start: “Next time you feel like flying off
the handle, try asking yourself, 'What's the worst thing that
can happen if this isn't resolved?'” advises Wachs.
If the projected consequence is something you can live with,
save your energy for a more worthy battle.
Marilyn, 29, used to blow up at Max everytime he left the
toilet seat up. “One day,” she says, “I
realised that the minimal effort it takes for me to put the
seat down doesn't warrant a daily argument. It was so simple.”
Once you learn to let certain things slide, you'll be ready
for the next challenge: being the one to call a truce after
a heated debate. Waving the white flag is not about admitting
defeat; it's about settling some issues, says Broder. You
may find that taking control of the situation makes you feel
more empowered than proving that you're right.
Bond Booster
Do Physical Things Other Than Sex:
Yeah, yeah... you can't help but rave about the sexual compatibility
you two share. But you'll reap more mutual gratification if
you move your bodies outside the bedroom too. When you're
getting mobile and hitting that exercise high with your partner,
you're more likely to associate the resulting good feelings
with him and vice versa, says Yamins.
Lauren, 30, is happy she got physical with her partner. “Ronnie
and I are certified couch potatoes. But on Sunday mornings,
we grab some coffees and walk to the park with our dog,”
she says. “It's invigorating and we really look forward
to it.”
And hear this: physical exertion pays off in the bedroom,
too. A study by associate professor Dr Cindy Meston shows
women who work out have increased sexual arousal levels. Happy
trails!
Get Him To Contribute
It takes two to make a soul-mate connection. Here's how
to encourage your partner to make an effort.
Hold him accountable
If you're always adjusting your timetable to fit into his,
it's time to make a switch. Check out what's on your agend,
then ask him to note the days when you'll need him to be available.
For example, the night you want him to go with you to an important
event. “Marking you in his diary will make him more
aware of accommodating you,” says Karen Ross.
Merge your activities
Make a pact to incorporate each other's ideas into your relationship.
“Come up with a few things you love doing with him and
things you'd like to try and have him do the same for you,”
suggests Ross. It can range from spending more lazy Saturday
mornings together, to going on a weekend away.
Ask him to plan a date
No matter how long you've been together, setting aside time
for an intimate date helps keep your twosome tight. But here's
the twist” ask him to surprise you and let him take
care of all the details. “Dates are a great way to reconnect
and allowing him to make the arrangements keeps him more involved
in the relationship,” says Ross. The next time around,
it'll be your turn to take him out.
Related Article - 1000
Questions For Couples - By Oprah Expert
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