THE HARD WORDS
A how-to-guide for getting laid faster and more frequently

Apparently it's easy to get women into bed; apparently you're just not saying the right things. Or you're saying the right things to the wrong woman, or at the wrong time. Three Adelaide girls reveal the keys to getting right-here-right-now sex.

Do you think guys would get laid a lot more if they just knew the right way about enticing a girl?
Alicia: Yes. The main mistake guys make is they think there's a magical formula that they can take and bang! they'll get a girl into bed. Girls aren't generic. Also, if she likes you, you shouldn't have any problems getting her into bed. If she doesn't like you, talking yourself up isn't going to help.
Kristie: Most guys come across as sleazy. The problem with guys who have enough confidence to approach you is that they're usually too confident – they think they're top shit.
Alex: Also, a lot of guys don't even realise how many girls there are out there who aren't looking for relationships.

Have there been times when you'd rather say hi and then shag, instead of dine and date?
Kristie: Yeah, I had a lot of fun (doing that) for about three years – before I got with my current boyfriend. I'd been in a serious relationship beforehand, so when it ended, I was just keen to have some fun.
Alicia: Definitely. There have been times where, if a guy was just honest with me, if he said, “Look, I'm not after a relationship, I just want to have some fun,” then he'd definitely score brownie points.
Alex: Yeah, I've had a few long-term relationships, so I've been up for it when I've come out of those. Also, when I've been travelling interstate – if I meet someone, it's obvioulsy not going to be for a long-term relationship.

Have you pulled while you've been out of town?
Alex: Well, no. It's always been when I've been out with the girls, being stupid and getting drunk.

So girls are just as bad as blokes when they're on the piss?
Alex: Well, yeah, probably because half the time they don't know what they're doing. I don't think there are many girls who would just go out there and sleep with a guy when they were completely sober. I know I wouldn't.

When was the last time you went out “looking for it?”
Kristie: I can only remember doing that once. I need to get to know someone a bit more. I remember, one night, I got this guy's number who was really hot, but he wound up being a real moron. That taught me a lesson.
Alicia: I don't know, I suppose I would have done it when I'm feeling good about myself, maybe when I've bought a new outfit. If a guy came up to me then and said the right thing, like, “You're looking good tonight,” or, “I like what you're wearing” - so long as he was open and a nice person – I'd be like, “Yeah, f-k it, why not?”

But how often has that actually happened?
Alicia: Let me put it this way: I like guys who take a bit of time. I think the worst turn-off is when they're a bit presumptuous, they expect something and you can really tell that from the way they're behaving. It's more of a turn-on when guys are more interested in getting to know you. A guy who is not focusing on gettting me into bed is more likely to.

How about pretending that you're not focusing on it – does that count?
Alicia: I suppose you can't really help it, if it's on your mind and it's what you're working towards, subconsciously. At least try to act like you're not thinking about it.

How often do you get dressed up to go out and get some?
Alex: I have intentionally “had my eye out” for nice guys, but I don't reckon there are many in Adelaide. Also, I'm not really the type to just take a guy home on the spot, which is probably no good for this article.

No, it is good. I'm interested to find out what it would take for you to change your mind about that.
Alex: Ok, well, if I like someone, I'm always sucked in by promises of not just sex but... I dunno, I like the sweet-talking and romance and hearing that he wants to see me again.

Even if you both know it's a fling – you still want to feel special?
Alex: I want to know that the guy's not just after a root, or that he'd root anyone who said yes.

Is it true that most women want to be courted over a period of weeks; that they only want sex with a view to starting a relationship?
Alicia: Not at all anymore. Heaps of girls are just out to have fun and have some experiences, just as much as guys are. Guys who think along those lines should just relax and realise that most girls are in it for the same reasons they are – and maybe a relationship will flow from that if both parties want it to. Otherwise, move on.
Kristie: You go through different stages; it all comes down to when you feel like something serious, or you're just out for a good time.
Alex: There are a lot of girls who are happy to go out and meet someone and see if the chemistry is right to fool around, but I'd say that if it's all working well, feeling right, they'd probably want it to turn into something more serious. A girl might think she just wants a one-night stand, but if the guy is great, she's probably going to want to stay in touch.

Whereas a bloke thinks he wants a one-night stand and if the girl turns out to be more than just attractive, he thinks, “That was a nice change?”
Kristie: I disagree. There are just as many guys as there are girls who are waiting for something special. In fact, I don't know many girls who think like that anymore.

Would they be more successful by just saying: “I'm not after a relationship, but I find you incredibly attractive. How about dinner and a nice hotel?”
Alicia: Yeah, absolutely. Because a lot of the time, the girl might be up for that as well and they're going to score mega brownie points just for being honest. All the girl is going to do is say, “Yep, that sounds good,” or, “No, that's not for me.”
Kristie: That's not really me, no. Even if I wasn't looking for something serious, I don't think I'd accept that offer; it's a bit forward.
Alex: Umm... at least you know what they're after, but you also know they're not just after a root, they're after a good time. And they want to spend some time with you – just not the next five or six months. It's better than promising the world and not pulling through.

Is there some way a guy touches you, looks at you, or talks to you that makes you want to bed him?
Alicia: Absolutely. I met a guy in a nightclub once who was really tall and dark and sexy. He caught my eye from across the dance floor and he kept eye contact until he came up to me and just grabbed my hand and took me aside up a set of stairs. He said, “I think you're so sexy, I'd really like to get to know you.” I just thought, “Wow, I'm putty.”
Alex: I have a soft spot for funny guys and nice eyes and smiles.
Kristie: I like it when a guy comments on my facial features, or my smile – just something that shows he's paying attention.

Will you sleep with a guy if the first kiss isn't top notch?
Alicia: It's very important. I've been on a date with a guy and when I kissed him I thought, “He's got a lot to learn – is it worth it?” But you also have to accept that some people don't kiss the way that you prefer; they have their own style.
Kristie: If it doesn't work and doesn't feel comfortable, it's hard to think about taking it any further. I might not even bother seeing him again if the kiss doesn't feel right.
Alex: If the kiss isn't right, it's not going anywhere. I like someone who can look me in the eye first, and someone who doesn't try to stick their tongue down my throat.

Where should his hands be?
Alicia: I think girls worry about that just as much as guys. Maybe on the small of my back, or just resting on my arm or shoulder.
Kristie: If I'm kissing him, they can be wherever they want to be.
Alex: I like them on my face or, you know holding the back of my head. Or... wherever.

What's one way that he can touch you which isn't overtly sexual but immediately makes you think about him naked?
Alex: Maybe on my back, or if he holds my thigh – like when we're at the movies or something.
Alicia: Just using a firmer grip lets you know that he wants it, maybe if he grabs your leg a bit harder while you're sitting next to each other.
Kristie: Maybe rubbing my back, or touching my arse. That usually lets you know